About Me- The Beginning

I have always been cloistered. I like walls. They have been an integral part of me for almost as long as i can remember. To explain this, ill start at the beginning.

From the time i was born, till i was 7 years old, i lived in Groton Connecticut, mostly with my mother and brother, but also with my Dad when he wasn't aboard a submarine going who knows where (i usually didnt know). My Dad served in the Submarine Force section of the Navy. He was a Chief Petty Officer. Although he was gone alot, i am very proud of my dad for all that he did. However, it is not suprising to say that i am closer to my mother.

From what i can remember, we were a very close and reserved family. While i participated in Cub Scouts and the like, i never knew very many people. My favorite companion was definately my Golden Retriever.

When i was seven, we moved my to the home territory of my father, Oregon. He had decided to leave the Submarine Force, deciding that 21 years was enough. I grew up thereafter mostly in Forest Grove, with a 3 month stay in Vancouver, WA. I liked to keep myself busy. For me, the happiest time of my life, was when i was so busy, i didnt have time to think.

Needless to say, while providing me with a very good resume, and a lot of life experiences, i was somewhat behind in the social aspect of life.

I didn't particularly enjoy fifth and sixth grade. I was a popular target for people that liked nothing better than to pick on others. Pretty much all of it was verbal, but even so, it was very draining at times. It was an adult leader in my local Boy Scout troop, that finally helped me out of it. While on the way to a camp out, my entire patrol was riding with one Fred Sherill. He said a lot of things that changed my life, but there was one thing in particular. I don't know how we got on the subject of verbal abuse and the like, but he had an interesting view on it. Basically, he said that while people that exploit others through verbal abuse may be in the wrong, we don't need to let it bother us. We all have these verbal pressure points. Buttons that others can press to get an emotional response out of us. However, the only person that is allowing those buttons to effect themselves, is the person under verbal assault.

That moment changed my life. And now we connect back into the original statement. I started making walls around my mind. Nobody, but the very few good get to me emotionally. It was a great triumph for me, or so i thought.

While this lead to a near impenetrable fortress around my mind, it still had its drawbacks. While i considered nearly everyone to be my friend, i had no "close" friends, in particularly of the female gender.

My only real attempt into changing that, turned out disastrous (slight hyperbole admittedly), which lead to my continued cloistering through the end of high school. I stayed busy to the point of non thinking, so as not to brood over my lack of knowledge or success in the social realm. I was happy, and i was learning a lot. I graduated with honors, top 10%, 3.84 gpa and all that jazz. Then i moved to Oregon State University.